Session 39

Recap:

- We leave the emporium into the averniun wastes in the direction of the Dragonborn with Tiamat blood
- Aurelia accosts Skraps for not paying his share
- Skraps has no money apparently (yeah right) Tzon gives him 60g
- Skraps says he saw Eliac, a circus barker, at the ichor shop
- We play FMK: Mordenkainen, Gideon, and Mad Maggie
- We run into Smiler the Defiler, he is fun~
- He tells us he is looking for Bitterbreath, a hobgoblin who stole his money
- He will split the loot if we help him. Also maybe steal their war machines
- He tells us he is Tymora's most favored and gets Aurelia interested in the luck goddess
- We must distract Bitterbreath and his peeps as Smiler goes and gets the loot
- We run into High Graj Karkajuk another of Smilers former friends
- We BATTLE! Aurelia gets some great luck seemingly with Tymora's aid
- Lots of fun combat stuff~ Including a classic fireball onto the party tank. Bean dodges perfect tho

RESUME COMBAT!!

• Smiler kills boltcutter and cackles about it. He calls out Earnest and runs towards him
• Skraps dashes up closer but doesn't catch an angle on anyone as they are behind the war machine. Skraps readies a psychic dagger in case a baddie shows themselves
• Tzon hops into their warmachine attempting to commandeer it. He throws it in reverse to get it out of the difficult terrain and hit Dinglefeet. It throws Dinglefeet prone and Skraps' action triggers on Ernest which misses tho :c He tells Smiler to get out the way. Smiler is like "THIS ONES MINE!"
• Dinglefeet yells THE CAR! and gets himself up and runs towards the car but can't quite make it. He pulls out his longbow and fires it at Tzon missing WIDE
• Ernest tells Smiler to remember the good old times. Smiler clearly doesn't or doesn't care. He swings with his Booming Longsword and crits on Smiler. Aurelia yells "That's not so lucky!" Smiler says its all a part of her plan and keeps on grinning. He then moves back towardss the war machine and takes a hit from Smiler, bringing him to bloodied.
• Balsam WATCH THE VIDEO SHIT THINGS ARE MOVING TOO FAST

The two warmachines they showed up on are a Devil's Ride and a Scavenger YOU HAVE THE STATS FOR THEM, THROW THEM ON THE WEBSITE

Smiler asks if we need a moment or if we are ready to go. Aurelia asks why he is called the Defiler. He brushes it off. Lily wants to know if she can get her own Hellish nicknames. She asks him to give us nicknames.
Tzon the Gone (he's so fast)
Lily the Silly Billy (She doesn't like it)
Tzon comes up with Tzon in 60 seconds and Lily comes up with Tzon with the Wind

He tells us to nickname each other. Aurelia tells Tzon to start.
He says Balsam the Tallsome. Balsam says its adorable but not very threatening.
Skraps says he already has a nickname, and he won't tell us his real name. Aurelia is like why. He says that if tells her he will never live it down. Smiler says its probably like Richard or something. Skraps says for him to keep his father's name out his mouth.

We discuss that Aurelia may or may not be a mononym. Aurelia says she is still discovering herself. She is doing an Eat, Pray, Love thing here in hell (TITLE OF EPISODE.) Aurelia is undecided about it. Balsam is though. Tzon suggest Bravenshade. Aurelia fully hates it. Tzon is sad because he is bad with naming people. Aurelia apologizes about it.

Balsam comes up with Lily the Lustrous.

Skraps refocusses us. Smiler tells us not to worry about his name. Everyone basically wants to make sure he won't unconsensually defile us. Smiler distracts us with the promise of soul coins so lets leave. He also asks if anyone wants to be on the infiltration team.

Distraction team: Tzon, Lily, Balsam, Cassandra
Infiltration team: Smiler, Aurelia, Skraps

Smiler calls Skraps little which upsets him. A conversation happens about some people liking the "Little guys"

ROLL FOR DICK:
Balsam: 7 in
Tzon: 6 in
Skraps keeps his secret but claims he is packing

Balsam calls out Aurelia because she said she lied about fucking Skraps. They ask if she's had sex at all. She says its been a while. VIDEO AGAIN SO MUCH FUN!!!

Aurelia asks Skraps to put up the link. Skraps, Aurelia, Lily, Tzon and Balsam are on the call.

Review! Infiltration team gets out of their vehicle and sneaks up from the East along the river Styx. When the distraction team gets the signal, we floor it through the gate and attack the cannons and generally wreak havoc. The infiltration will scale the walls, enter the tent, and steal the coins. Smiler tells Lily she can still use her boobs after she is like "I'm on the combat team?"

Smiler also says we could just raid the whole thing and kill them all. Aurelia says wait maybe the infiltration could pincer and sneak and take over the Cannons. Lily likes that plan. Plan seems to be sneak and grab and then decide. Lily is like if he dies can we have the coins and he is like well why would you care I'll be dead.

VIDEO FUCK IT!

Tzon has a good plan but gotta video again I can't keep up at all today damn

We head off towards the camp! Balsam full speed ahead on Bean making it look like Tzon and Cass in the Scavenger and Lily on the Devil's Ride are chasing them.

As the infiltration team pulls up along the river Styx. Lil flashback to the last time. They get out. Stealth checks!

MORE VIDEO goddamn a fuck it I'm not taking many notes tonight. It's all video now baby!!!!!!

INITIATIVE!!!

Infernal hoblins: Artichoke Me, Veggietails, Bee-Freak, Infinity Hobgobbler, Fucking Idiot, Eggplant-head, Big Smelly Bastard
Hobgoblin captains: Captain Underpants, Capn Stinky Iguana, Capn Honeygobbler
Veteran hobgoblin: Colonel Sanders
High Graj Karkajuk

• Balsam charges up to one of the towers and has Bean jump and they jump off bean to land atop the wall doing a sick pole vaulty maneuver to do so, immediately climbing the latter and smashing into veggietails with their mace. They also notice 6 more hobgoblins around a campfire. They miss twice with their mace tho.
• Cassandra blesses Tzon, Lily, and herself.
• Big Smelly Bastard yells out "They're in the walls!" He starts running towards the tower Balsam is in and fires a longbow at them missing!
• Eggplant Head does the same but does a car hood slide over some barrels and fires as well also missing.
• Fucking idiot same as Eggplant but does actually hit.
• Infinity hobgobbler also runs up and fires and misses
• ArtichokeMe is on a cannon, they attempt fire at the Scavenger Tzon and Cass are in. He loads a soul coin and cranks it. He fires it hitting the scavenger, Tzon, Cass, and Lily. some fail some succeed I was doing website shit VIDEO AGAIN!!!!!!!!!
• Beefreak does exactly the same as ArtichokeMe did. Again just use the VIDEO to find out who succeeds and fails. The helm station of the scavenger is filled with smoke and visually obscured due to a mishap. The Devil's Ride also mishaps and also is blinded by smoke pouring from the engine. Lily also loses Hex.
• Veggietails swings his longsword on Balsam, they block it with their shield. Captain Underpants tells VT to hold his ground, as he looked ready to flee.
• Smiler phasesteps onto the wall and tries to stealthfully drop behind the guys still at the campfire. It seems to succeed
• High Graj Karkajuk grunts and starts moving with the rest towards the towers. He says that he has a bad feeling about all this. He clicks his boots together and dashes crazy fast towards the tower and starts climbing the ladder up to balsam.
• Skraps hears all the commotion and asks everyone if everythings okay on the chat. Lily and Tzon say they can't see shit and their cars are rough. He looks at Aurelia and is like "This dude can just teleport?" Aurelia is like "Can you not? I can teleport you, too?" Skraps is like "Aurelia is the best at everything she's ever done!" MORE VIDEO BECAUSE FUN AND PEE!!!!

FUCK IT I CANT KEEP UP IM ABANDONING IT AGAIN!!!! VIDEO LOVE IT!

ALSO MODIFY THE TORMENTOR WITH THE GILDED ARMOR IF POSSIBLE!!!!!! MAYBE JUST MAKE MY OWN TABLES FOR THESE INSTEAD OF USING THE IMAGES IDFK

A bunch more dudes come out! Never Too Many Guys, Monkey Man, Captain Oh No, Crusty, Nob Goblin, Hobgoblin Hotel, Juicenut, Penits, Frowner the Downer. Rancid MEat, Infested Antonio, Hobgoblin Hottie.

AGAIN WATCH THE WHOLE ASS VIDEO!